February 2012 archive

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

Things are going less than perfect in my life as of late. In fact, they’re kind of all over the map. Because of that this post is being kept short and sweet.

I’m sharing with you my new favorite, fun song that I stumbled upon at 2 a.m. last night whilst trying to fall asleep. It’s definitely a teeny bopper song, but so was Rebecca’s Black It’s Friday and that didn’t stop me from rocking out to for months. So enjoy.

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Takuyo Hand-Painted Silk Scarf Giveaway Winner & A Lilly Desktop Wallpaper

Folks, we have a winner for the BEAUTIFUL Takuyo Hand-Painted Silk Scarf giveaway:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Congrats Sarah!

For everyone else, thanks so much for participating. You may not have won the scarf giveaway, but here’s a Lilly desktop wallpaper as a consolation prize. Featured on it are beautiful cherry-blossoms and  one of my all-time favorite quotes. Enjoy!

Until next time…

Sometimes you jut have to stop and give thanks

Like the title of my blog says — sometimes you just have to stop and give thanks.

It’s not often that I lack for words, but right now I’m struggling, because in this go-round I’m not giving thanks because everything is perfect in my life. I still am dealing with my last post and don’t head to the Dr. until next week. But I am giving thanks. Thanks for all of the comments, Facebook messages, Tweets/DMs, and emails I’ve received from all of you. Even a few guys who ventured to read my last post despite warnings (heck, I knew some poor guy would end up at least starting to read out of curiosity if nothing else).

And now I’m more in shock from  the support I have, than from the problems I’m dealing with. Who would’ve known how many others are dealing with the SAME thing. Have dealt with the same thing. It’s unthinkable.

I’m slowly responding to everyone too. These comments are so dear to me, but with over 100 emails alone, it’s gonna take me a day or two, so please bear with me.

But thanks so much for stepping up. For sharing your stories and sending encouragement even if this is a totally un-relatable thing to you. As crazy as it may sound, so all mean so much to me. And for your kindness, I know I am truly blessed.

In wordless gratitude.
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This one’s for the girls

No really. This post is probably something male readers don’t want to read. I don’t even know if all female readers will be comfortable reading it. But here goes nothing…

I opened a letter.

This is to inform you that your Pap Smear was abnormal.

Ew. She’s talking about a Pap. Who does that? Not preppy politicos. That’s for sure. Well at least not in the past…

My year in blogging began with a promise to myself: to be unabashedly candid when writing. No holding back. If I can’t be heart-on-your-sleeve honest, then why bother. Right? Sure I babble on about clothes and shopping with the best of them, but when it comes to the real stuff, I was going to be just that — real.

Which brings me to this afternoon, when I came home for a late lunch break.

I only work a block from my office (it’s more like out the back door and across the street. 50 yards. Max.), so I thought it would be a nice way to break up the monotony of day. To get away for half an hour.

Like I just mentioned, I come home through the back door, so I went to the front to check if the mail had come yet. Not because I care about the “real” mail, but because I’ve done so much online shopping lately, I was looking for packages.

Enter the letter.

… It is recommended that you have a colposcopy and biopsy as soon as possible.

A tidal wave of emotion hits me — what in the world does this mean? Is something… really wrong?

Back-track. Last year I had my annual exam and had an abnormal pap that I thought NOTHING OF. Why, because I was so consumed by being a Capitol Hill Press Secretary working 15+ hour days, that it didn’t phase me. I was told to come back in in two months to have another test, and that was that. No mention of crazy sounding tests and biopsies. But somehow I left a year pass and I never went back for a follow-up test. What if I waited too long and something really was wrong? What if by not going back to the doctor, I let things spiral out of control for over a year without even knowing it.

Everything that happened in the subsequent half hour is a blur.

I can’t get through to either of my parents.

I’ve panicked and called the doctor, desperate for more information. He’s out for a while, and the nurse can’t tell me anything else until my now scheduled colposcopy/biopsy appointment next Thursday. Over a week away.

//Pause// About a month ago I blogged about friendship. About a friend being in need. I didn’t explain everything then, but this is the exact thing she dealt with, except she knew what her results were and they were scary as hell. It’s changed her life even. She’s not dying or anything, but for a minute there, the world stood still as we waited for her results and final prognosis. //Un-pause//

I finally get through to my dad. My mom’s at a doctor appointment of her own. I’m scared as hell. Crying my eyes out. I still don’t quite comprehend what’s going on, but the explanation of procedures accompanying my “letter of doom,” sounded terrifying. Hell, as far I’m concerned they are terrifying.

My dad was amazing. He allowed me to talk “woman”and revert back to a helpless child all at the same time. 20 minutes or so later, we hang up.

Sobbing. The unknown holds a hell of a lot of power. Fear is miserable. More sobbing. I don’t know enough to feel like this is “okay.”

I have a plan. I’m going to call my doctor’s office back and request the records for a previous doctor. They tell me I can come in, sign a release and they’ll fax a copy for me as well as give me a print-out. Genius.

I go and pick-up my results. Tricky? Sure, but even if there’s really no other doctor and even if someone’s not there to explain the paperwork at the moment, God created Google for a reason — surely this part of that reason.

So now I know more about my abnormal Pap Smear. There’s going to be a lot I learn over the next few weeks with my tests. I don’t have any real answers right now. At least not ones I want to talk about. Yeah, I’m trying to be honest, but I’m also trying to keep my sanity. Thinking about the possible “bad outcomes” would immobilize me.

But I bring up all of this, because I know I’m not alone. I know single ladies my age (29, on Saturday folks. Happy Birthday to me…), don’t really talk about these things. We’re grown up enough to recognize we’re adults (despite the fact I still think of myself as “a kid”), but we’re not quite ready to own said adulthood.

That said, I don’t embarrass easily when talking all things “health,” but I know it makes so many people uncomfortable. Which is a shame. No, I’m not so crass as to consider this dinner table-talk, but we shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask questions of one another. To say, “I’m scared as hell and I feel as though I’m the only person I know going through this,” when in reality there’s quite possibly someone in your life who’s experienced the same thing. Something similar.

Which brings me to my point. I’m petrified. I know cervical cancer doesn’t usually mean death, but just the thought of “cancer” being part of the conversation is terrifying. So if you’re going through this, something similar, or even something totally different but still terrifying — I’m here. And if you’ve been through this before and things turned out well, or even less than perfect you feel free to tell me and help me feel as little less alone/confused/scared.

So yeah, today wasn’t the great of days by any means. But here’s to all the women out there and all the BS we have to deal with because we’re women.

Until next time.
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P.S. if you’ve put off your annual visit because life’s gotten in the way, or you’ve just never gone before — make that appointment.

A wrap-up of 2011 films

Note, I thought I posted this the FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY. Only now when looking through my drafts and a myriad of half-written posts, do I notice I never let this baby go live. So here’s to tardiness and all films 2011. :)
Over a week of my life. That’s how much time I spent in a movie theater this year. If you follow me on Twitter or Foursquare, you know I’m BEYOND a movie junkie. In theatre at least once a week (often 2-3 times), I try and see as many blockbusters as I can. Why? Because there’s just something about the movies that I love. And so I’ve been meaning to write this post for ages. So many times throughout the year I’ve thought about stopping to tell you about the movies I’ve been seeing, but alas, it never happened. So instead, I’m giving you a wrap-up of 2011 films. Seeing MANY more flicks than your average joe, and sooo many bad ones this year, I figure I can save you a few bucks at Blockbuster, a dollar and some change at Redbox, or just your time on Netflix. Here we go:

Best of the year:

50/50. Hands down one of the most heartfelt, thought-provoking movies of the year. I didn’t know what to expect when I went to see this one. Unlike others, I must have missed the previews for this gem, so I walked into the theatre blindly — it sounded better than the other flicks of the day. Boy was I surprised by this one. I laughed. I cried. And in the end, it took me to a place I didn’t expect. Definitely a must-see.

Crazy Stupid Love. I saw this one late. And by late, I mean via Redbox. Very unusual for me. How I missed it, I’m not sure, but this movie was so endearing, I absolutely loved it. That said, I know a fair amount who didn’t. At least online anyway. But I say ignore them, and check it out anyway.

X-Men First Class. I’m not all chick-flicks and sap, and this was hands-down my favorite action/comic movie of the year. From exciting graphics to a well thought-out storyline, X-Men doesn’t disappoint.

Friends with Benefits. The better version of No Strings Attached.

Tree of Life. Immediately after seeing this film I would have told you that I hated it. Weird. Silence. Space. Dinosaurs. Space. And more space (by which I mean outer space). Volcanoes. And even more space. Sparsely you find narration, actual human characters. Yet, a week later I questioned whether or not I hated the flick. Almost a year later, and it’s on my “best of” list. It’s definitely something different, and if you’re not up for “different,” then go ahead and walk the other way. On the other hand, if you want to see something that you’ve probably never experienced the likes of before — this one’s for you.

Cedar Rapids.
The Beaver.

Win Win.
We Bought A Zoo.

Good with Girlfriends:

Not my typical style movie, but I loved it nonetheless. Sure it’s a bit raunchy, but it’ll leave you in tears — from laughing so hard.

Water for Elephants.
Hall Pass.

The Help.

Really good, but not quite “the best”:

The Lincoln Lawyer.

Captain America: The First Avenger.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. I know a LOT of people are probably going to disagree with me on this one, but it wasn’t anything special to me. It was a lot like the last LOTR flick — certain things had to happen to wrap up the series. Don’t get me wrong, it had fantastic moments of cinematography, stayed pretty true to the beloved books, but it was just “really good” to me. Not “great.”

Green Lantern.
If you can make it through the incredibly disjointed first ten minutes, then this movie is actually pretty good. Good enough, that I’d go back to watch another one. Maybe I’m just a comic-book movie fan, but this movie somehow worked for me.
Super 8. I have no idea why so many people love this movie they way they do. I heard a guy talking about buying in Best Buy just yesterday and couldn’t figure it out. It was alright. But let’s face it, you wait for a freaking cool monster and it really wasn’t that cool. In fact, the monster wasn’t even “bad.” In terms of bad monsters and all.
The Green Hornet. I missed this one in the theaters entirely. I’m assuming sales weren’t all that great. But the Seth Rogen was FUNNY in this flick. Heck, this flick was pretty funny for a super-hero movie altogether.
No Strings Attached. I reviewed this movie earlier this year. I loved it. That is until I saw the later released, Friends with Benefits which I thought was SO-MUCH-BETTER. (see tier one review).

Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.
Real Steel.
Horrible Bosses.
Something Borrowed.
Midnight in Paris.
The Change-Up.
The Thing.
Larry Crowne.
Soul Surfer.
30 Minutes or Less.
The Ides of March.
An Invisible Sign.
The Descendants.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Like Crazy.
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon.
Fast Five.
I am Number Four.
Take Me Home Tonight.

You need to be REALLY bored to watch this:

Scream 4.
The good news for fans of the Scream saga is that this one is probably better than Scream 2 and 3 combined. But when you think about it, that’s not saying much at all. But it was entertaining enough. Just don’t expect too great from it, and you won’t be totally disappointed.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 1.
Diary of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules.
Hangover Part 2.
Battle L.A.
The Adjustment Bureau.
The Source Code.
Just Go With It.
The Dilemma.
The Mechanic.
30 Minutes or Less.
The Roommate.
Final Destination 5.
Bad Teacher.
The Sitter.
What’s Your Number.
Straw Dogs.
Our Idiot Brother.
Tower Heist.
The Company Men.

The Other Woman.
A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas.
Paranormal Activity 3.
The Rum Diary.
The Debt.
I Don’t Know How She Does It.
The Way Back.

Don’t do it. Just don’t:
The Human Centipede. If you’ve never heard of this one, don’t going look around for answers as to what it’s about. It’s traumatizing. Really now. Consider yourself forewarned.

Red Riding Hood.
Shark Night 3D.

Fright Night.

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*P.S. I’m going to add more to the reviews later, at least for the good flicks, but if I don’t post this now, I never will.

P.P.S Don’t forget to enter my Takuyo Hand-Painted Silk Scarf Giveaway by Saturday the 11th! You’ll love this one!!

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