June 2012 archive

How often am I not content?

This is one of those moments where I want to try and explain something, but there’s a decent amount of background story necessary to appreciate what I’m trying to say, and thus I become acutely aware of the fact I’ve not blogged regularly through this awful spring/early summer and I really don’t feel like explaining everything at once…

So, I’ll just skip to a point and maybe fill in the rest later. But probably not. Let’s fact it, I’m a lazy blogger lately.

I went to DC Sisterhood this past Thursday night. It’s an all-women, once-a-month ministry at DC Metro Church. Chock full of rocking worship time, a message and socializing. Needless to say, I’m a fan of the whole set-up.

I digress… this week part of the message was about contentment. How easily we become discontent, especially as women. How quickly we’ll try and conquer our problems by ourselves when things aren’t resolved as fast as we’d like them to be and how miserable we make ourselves in the process.

Boy, does that sound familiar. I’m a pro at getting frustrated that my timing and God’s timing doesn’t always seem to be aligned, that more often than not take steps away from God and try to take things on myself. And if you’ve looked at my life over the past few months, years… you’d know this doesn’t do me any good. I worry incessantly about problems that I’m facilitating by refusing to surrender.


And then a verse was mentioned — Proverbs 27:15. I don’t think it was meant to stick out. I think it was merely mentioned as part of a larger point, but it just kind of stuck to me.

I’m that woman. That woman whose complaints and discontentment are as annoying as a constant dripping of rain. A steady, continuous drip-drop that drives someone slowly crazy. By not surrendering, I hold on to my brokenness, my worries, and I create this maelstrom of misery in my life.

HOW OFTEN AM I NOT CONTENT?!

But how simple is the concept of letting go and letting God? How much happier would I be if, instead of trying to fix everything myself I took a step back handed it over to the Creator?

I WILL be conscious of my complaints. My weariness. My belligerence when I’m convinced I can do best for myself over anyone else in my life. Over God.

My contentiousness.

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Beauty in Brevity

I’m hoping in brevity I find the beauty of blogging tonight. Lately I’ve had LOTS of posts I’ve started, but none I’ve finished. Part of the reason is that I write for a living for so many other people, by the time I’m home I have little inspiration left for myself. Part of it’s because I’m ADD with the best of them and I’m so easily distracted at night (when the meds have worn off) that I can’t pay attention long enough. And part of it’s because I get flat out lazy.

So again, beauty in brevity to kick-start things tonight.

A week and a half ago I went to the zoo with my lovely cousin and her not-quite-two-year-old daughter. This cousin is by far my closest cousin and she’s the one I’ve often mentioned before. Almost two years ago, 2 months to the day that her daughter was born, her husband stepped on an IED in Afghanistan. Boy did that change everyone’s life.

I’ll get into an update on her family in another post, but we did have a LOVELY trip to the zoo and it made me realize how much I miss her even though she’s only 20-30 minutes away! Absolutely must prioritize better and work on seeing her on a more regular basis!

Day trip to the National Zoo
Yeah my cousin had us buy the picture at the zoo because we looked “cute enough.” But baby Scarlett… :P

Until next time.
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“You made my heart smile”

Consumed by a cloud of smoke, with hands steadily shaking he muttered mindless nothings to himself.

Side-effect from the drugs. Crack, maybe?

At its filter, the thin paper of the Parliament sizzled as he took another slow drag to ease the incessant trembling.

It was only dusk, but had it been any darker, and had I been alone, the sight of him would have kept me from going inside.

As I entered Subway,  I noticed the new Jason Mraz song playing subtly in the background.

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my loveI’m still looking up

I waited patiently for the friendly sub-master (the title I’ve dubbed Subway workers. It’s kinda of like being a Barista at Starbucks, only it’s a much cooler title) to take my order and in stumbles the shaking man.

Clumsy and frenetic, he reaches into his tattered pocket for some change to throw onto the counter, while simultaneously taking a large plastic cup from the nearby stack.

“Dis change is for my soda,” he boldly tells my sub-master.

“You need to have $2.17 for that size.”

“Is enough. I have it. It’s all derr.”

“You still owe me $0.50 from the last time.”

As he backs away from the counter, “I tolt choo, it’s all derr.”

This clearly wasn’t a first-time experience for the sub-master, as he tilts down his head and sighs in frustration. It wasn’t worth the fight, and his face had just let it be written all over it.

“I’ve got it. Sir, take back your change. I’ve got your soda for you. I’m paying for his soda. Sir, your change, take it back,” says a voice from the silent observer standing in line behind me.

Excited the shaking man, makes his way back to the counter. With soda in hand he fumbles to collect his change and put it back into his pockets. Nickles, dimes and pennies.

Undoubtedly all that he had.

A few minutes later I find myself paying the sub-master, getting ready to walk out the door when I look over my shoulder and tell the anonymous stranger, “Thank you so much for buying that man a soda. You made my heart smile.”

And then I left. Profoundly moved by such. a. simple. act.

A sincerely thoughtful gesture that seemed to take no thought at all.

The Subway stranger not only showed goodwill and a kind heart to a man desperately in need, but he also showed a young woman there are really angels among us, and she was desperately in need of remembering that.

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 And the perfect song to accompany this post: